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Why you can't plan a threesome

Plans happen when you are actually going to do something. When you are simply talking big, you don't believe that you are going to do something, but when you are really planning something then you start thinking about how it will play out. You start to think about the large boyfriend with a knife waiting in the hotel room, the visits to the doctor, the stalking, the cops, the ruined reputation, what THEY might say, what THEY will think of you. The possibilities kill the plan.

But here's the thing about fear: in the planning phase it never shows up as itself. When you're flying downhill on Wilshire Blvd from Westwood into Beverly Hills in the middle of the night and thinking about how small your bike light is, how few street lights there are and how deep some of those potholes are fear shows it's true colors. But when you are making plans fear has time to hide. He shows up as "I have to wake up early tomorrow", "I don't have the money for that", "I couldn't miss the work", "I'd have to ask my significant other". Or the boldest, where fear simply puts up a duckblind in the middle of a field: "I just can't".

Threesomes are not usual. We don't have them all the time. If you're single it requires you to score with twice as many people and in a very narrow window of time and under unusual circumstances. Doesn't happen a lot. If you already have a regular lay then you have to score with another person with the complications of sex and relationships. While some people may say, "Oh that's my usual Friday night." For pretty much everyone else, they're not common at all and that which is not common is unusual and that which is unusual is scary and taboo. It's human nature with a few hundred million years of evolutionary logic behind it.

So if a thinking person or people are sitting around talking big then they would totally be down with a threesome. But when talking big turns to planning, there is thinking and fear slips in and excuses pop up. Phantoms of potential catastrophes swarm to the plan like flies and ants to a freshly laid delicious spread of food at a picnic.

It's 5pm on a Friday in LA. You're getting off work and you get a call, "Let's go to Vegas, right now! We could be there by 11." You don't have anything special going on this weekend, but yet you say, "I can't. I think I have a thing" or "I can't afford it." or the duck-blind, "I just can't... maybe if we had planned it."

If you had planned it what would be different? You'd still be doing the same thing, the same time gone, the same money spent...? Well the answer is that you would have had time to block your fear. You would have had time to acclimate the idea. Mill it over in your head to where it is not new and thus not unusual and thus not scary.

If you had two people you regularly have sex with and they regularly have sex with each other and you all regularly have sex with each other then you could call up and say, "Hey how ‘bout you come over tomorrow night for some fun. I'm calling our other friend and... " You could then plan a threesome. But in that situation a threesome isn't the same threesome that the rest of us have. The rest of us have nights where we have broken from what we expect and are dancing along the edge of things we can't anticipate.

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